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The current year marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly kill any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {