That Drifting Poo Was Far Too Meaningful! It's the Television Letdowns of the Year.
Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a selection of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. From cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
How to start with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful scripts, painful arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final season started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the final series. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?
All’s Fair
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the least of this show's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The laughably leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly wilful procession of cliches? Acting so poor they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and parental failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.
The Iris Affair
Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Shady figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which seemed a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was like reading a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.
Too Much
How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.
The Sketch Show Return
Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We love the star … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies targeting – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.